• Phil

The No Hoper



I have worked as a Trainer for quite some time. My experience has allowed me to recognise the existence of a quite remarkable species of human being. I call them: “The No-hoper.” The Oxford English Dictionary defines a No-hoper as: “an individual who visits the gym, but never gets any results whatsoever.” No-hopers come from all walks of life, yet they all share a number of common traits:


A No-hoper hasn’t got the slightest idea what a tough workout is; it’s been so long since it’s done one. The last time it did anything that resembles real exercise, it was fourteen years old.

A No-hoper skips workouts whenever possible; it always has an excuse. This could be absolutely anything, except for the sentence: “Because I’m a lazy slob.”


No matter how long it’s been working out, a No-hoper’s squat will always resemble a piece of human waste. In fact, technique across all movements will be a total disaster. Correct form makes an exercise harder and is therefore completely unwelcome information to the No-hoper.


A No-hoper prioritises everything over health and fitness. Work, social life, holidays, food, pets, family, 24, STD’s; as long as it’s loosely recognized as a facet of human existence, it automatically comes higher than exercise.